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Beauty School Dropout: Microplane rasp foot file

Once, when our feet were young and soft, pedicures lasted for a month with no interference from us. Sure, the nail varnish would grow out a bit but it wasn’t anything chronic. These days, moments after we waft out of the local nail bar, the skin starts to harden, the heel start to crack, it all goes a dispiriting shade of white. Okay, a yellow shade of white. Oh God. We need weapons, people.

The Microplane Colossal [we LIKE colossal] Pedicure Rasp foot file is more like a kitchen utensil than a beauty product – and reassuringly so. It’s basically a cheese grater but less perilous and delivers smooth skin with minimal elbow grease, keeping those goatherd trotters at bay. And it never goes blunt. And using it feels, rather satisfyingly, like DIY.

A quick word though, if your heels are deeply cracked then dive in with an effective moisturiser (Flexitol is BSD’s favourite) before you launch your filing frenzy. You need them to heel before you attack them or it will make everything worse and could get sore. There is enough pain in life.

BSD likes to file her feet in the garden and the flake can rejoin the earth – ashes to ashes and all that. In winter she ‘does it’ in the bath so that the bits can flush down the plug. The idea of heel particles trapped inside the house is disturbing. For pity’s sake do not file any part of your body on the tube. People really mind.

Microplane Colossal Pedicure Rasp Foot File, £12.56

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