john william waterhouse, ophelia, painting, women on back, lying down

Assume the marinating position

What does marinating mean to you? Probably, it calls to mind those virtuous times when you are doing a spicy chicken thing, and you add a hot sauce and then put the mixture in the fridge for 15 minutes. Or maybe it’s one of those annoying recipes that you think gosh that looks nice, I’ll do that, and then you read on, and it says, now marinate the pork for 24 hours. Screw you Nigel Slater. That’s just a for instance. Anyway, as well as being the flavouring and softening of fish or meat, apparently marinating is also a very intense sex tip. It was clearly our duty to share…

So marinating – Oh God – is an act of intercourse where there is penetration but no movement. At all.  No, you just lie there, appreciating each other, marinating. Hopefully not softening. Or flavouring to be honest. But rather just entirely still, marinating. It’s very intimate. And yet I can’t help thinking it sounds horrifically claustrophobic and/or like one of those terrible occasions when *someone* might have fallen asleep before things got interesting. For example.

Actually the Mormons love a bit of marinating, particularly the college students, as a way to skirt the rules: since there’s no movement, you can apparently argue that you’re not having sex.

But really if you are going to make all the effort to get semi-naked, get into bed (sofa/table/car) at the same time and actually have sex, you probably want a little more action. Or maybe you don’t. Happy marinating.

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