- I can’t believe that dog I don’t own yet is going to die one day. I was going to let it sleep on my bed and everything and now it has broken my heart, ruined my life AND cost me a fortune.
- That heatwave that hasn’t started is going to keep me awake night after night and make me insane for the whole of July and August. I am already sweating at the thought of it. All my clothes are wrong, I can’t believe the level of fake tan I have to maintain and then it will be over and freezing again. Unbelievable.
- That one summer wedding I have outdoors is probably going to get rained on. I can’t believe my shoes are going to get ruined – the ones I haven’t bought yet.
- The woman my partner is going to date after me is going to be nicer than I am. And better at drying her hair straight. And mad about giving blow jobs without having to be asked. Our friends will prefer her to me. Loyalty is just not a priority for anyone these days.
- If it’s summer, it means it’s practically Christmas and I haven’t done any Christmas shopping, plus I’m going to be too tired to go out, which means I’ll get horrendous FOMO because everyone will have a great time without me and not even notice I’m not there. And then Christmas will be over and everything will have to come down and JANUARY and oh God.
- Wimbledon is going to start without me, yet again, having centre court tickets. I mean, I’m really being tested here.
- One day I’ll have to move out of the very expensive house that I don’t own, and may never own, and then some other person will be sleeping in my bedroom and showering in my bathroom and redecorating that kitchen I bust a gut to get redone. No wonder I can’t stop crying.
