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Anxiety: Why can’t I make a will?

It’s a woman’s first flirtation with her own mortality, isn’t it? A will. Old people have wills. But the thing is dead people aren’t always old and if you die intestate you wreak total havoc on your own estate. All that hard-earned (or easily inherited, who cares?) cash’n’house’n’art’n’shares or whatever will go to George Osborne (for now), basically. Even if you are firmly married, everyone – from the insurance companies to the tax man – will enter into all sorts of gruesome ‘time of death’ investigations and forensic coroners reports to determine… what exactly? How to prevent your money from just going where it seems obvious it should go. And if you have a child/dog/adopted rhino… who gets that? How are the funds funnelled off to support any dependents?  You need executors (who aren’t total charlatans) and guardians and shit. Does that make me sound badass? Anyway… start making a list. Now.

Because, in short, everything is designed to make dying intestate a huge ballache. It’s just another opportunity to tax and tax and tax, which is a really infuriating thought. Maybe even infuriating enough to buy a will online for a few quid and fill it in and get it witnessed. Obviously we wish you a long, long, long and happy life and making a will is less fate tempt-y than not making a will which is almost begging a double decker bus to veer in your direction. So just make a goddamn will. Or, as Allah said, ‘Trust in God but always tether your camel.’

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