The best thing about never seeing anyone again and never leaving the house after 6pm is you never have to wear heels again. But you can still have a party. Here are the best 80s songs to bring you back from the brink of madness without even leaving the house.
Let’s Dance by David Bowie
This song is a command. A call to arms. An instruction to choose life. Yes, you look like shit and you feel worse, but for three minutes, you can forget that you are the most exhausted person on the planet and just bounce around to Bowie.
I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston
It is a scientific fact that this song will take you from the pit of despair to borderline euphoria before Whitney’s clock has even struck upon the hour. Think of Whitney’s perfect teeth shining and corkscrew hair piece pinging all over the place as you do more exercise dancing to this than you have done in about ten years.
Faith by George Michael
There is such a thing as a perfect pop song and this is it. You may not have a juke box to tap your foot on the side of as the opening bars begin, but a fridge will do. Mouth the words to someone you fancy – they’ll like it (if they don’t, dump them / make them take the bins out).
Cuddly Toy by Roachford
Wait, this song was released in 1988? Not last week? What? Forget the existence of time with this absolute banger. It’s all made up. You are fine. Maybe a bit confused, but fine.
(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
There are a few places to go with this song. You could rope someone in to attempt the legendary Dirty Dancing lift, but who wants a broken back or their head straight through a wall at this stage in life? Why not picture your own funeral instead? Your coffin disappearing behind a curtain as this song plays and everyone cries but also celebrates you, whimpering, ‘What an awesome song to leave this world to.’ Rewarding.
Push It by Salt-N-Pepa
You are now the coolest person you know as you push it real good on the landing outside the bathroom. In your slippers. Holding a basket of washing that needs folding.
Theme from S’Express by S’Express
You’re at a gentle rave for one. It symbolises the days you mixed with other humans without wanting to be in bed by 9pm. You can relieve those heady feelings – and still be in bed by 9pm
Footloose by Kenny Loggins
A good opportunity to force others to join you in some kind of group choreography, much like you might have done in the 80s. You can still be in charge – and just as bossy.
Buffalo Stance by Neneh Cherry
Do you….know what a buffalo stance actually is? Does it matter? Of course not. Just try and, you know, activate one. Important to rap along while you’re doing it. Just do it in a locked room.