anchorman, will ferris, meeting, freak out, hooray, jump, unnerving behaviour, weird meeting behaviour

14 ways to freak people out in meetings

  1. Decide with a friend that you’re going to turn up in identical clothes. Say absolutely nothing. Then stare at each other suspiciously for the entire meeting.
  2. If someone leaves the room for any reason, press your finger to one ear and talk into your sleeve as if you were wearing a mic, saying, “The subject is on the move, I repeat, the subject is on the move.”
  3. Only talk in a baby voice.
  4. Only talk in a slight citizen-of-the-world accent like Lindsay Lohan.
  5. Text a colleague saying, ‘Who’s the guy in the strange Victorian frock coat and monocle who just walked in? How come he just walked straight through that table?’
  6. If you get asked for your opinion on anything, just start singing, “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl, with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.”
  7. Get a hip flask out of your bag and take a swig. Offer it around. If anyone asks what’s in it, say, “It’s ‘water'” doing speech marks with your fingers (even though it is actually water).
  8. Every time a question comes up, say, “What would Meryl Streep do?”
  9. If there are biscuits, stack them up next to you like poker chips, sliding them individually across the table to anyone who has a good idea. At the end of the meeting, put the remaining ones in your handbag.
  10. Get to the meeting early and put a single Haribo on everyone’s chair.
  11. Every time someone has finished saying something, say, “YESSSSSS.”
  12. Answer a question seriously – but file your nails at the same time.
  13. If someone offers you tea, say, “When you say ‘tea’, what do you mean by that?” Keep insisting you have never heard of it.
  14. At the end of the meeting, be the only person who doesn’t get up and leave the room. Stay in your seat whispering, “Don’t leave me.”
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