Driving through those road barriers
You know the evil bollard ones at the end of a rat run or an awkward street, and yes obviously you look in all the mirrors, but, if we’re being honest, you just slow right down, close your eyes and pray.
Any conversation about politics
You just can’t keep up with the Deal or No Deal gameshow situation. And hold on, who’s the home secretary again? And suddenly you are at a dinner and it’s please not politics, please not politics. Thank goodness you can just roll your eyes and say, “I MEAN” and, anyway, there’s usually someone there to manterrupt.
With all the weather we’re having it’s a bit, ‘Open the cupboard door and hope for the best’ right now. Often you don’t even look in the mirror before leaving the house. At least you’re clothed and not late. No time for unwelcome mirror information. You just think, ‘How bad can it be?’
Apart from being exhausted, financially unstable, emotionally unstable, constantly needing to pee, battling chin hairs and permanently micro-injured and forever on the verge of a panic attack, being a grown-up is going fine, thanks.
If only we could crack the alcohol algorithm: One night it’s tequila and dancing and you are weirdly fine. The next (not the next night obviously, are you mad?) it’s two glasses of rose and the next morning, holy hell you are going to DIE. Or it’s alcohol free for ten days then full-on binge Britain. #wineing
If you are sitting listening to a meditation app are you actually meditating? Let’s just say yes to that. Definitely. Go away.
It’s a sad, sad day when you realise you are not on top of your Tupperware situation. When you are standing having made a delicious-ish Bolognese and you can’t find a lid or the bottom actually and did you lend it to Angela? Where the fuck is it Angela? Thanks a lot. Never liked her much.
The television system
You just point the remote control at the television and pray that there isn’t a whole AV1, AV2, HDM whatever meltdown and the television just finds Killing Eve and all is well with the world. Apart from the murder.
Has anyone else got to the point where they just walk into the bedroom lie down on the bed fully clothed and hope that they get 20 uninterrupted minutes of something? There are no longer nap plans. Just a wing and a prayer and an eye mask.