Because some of us have beds to get to…
1. Before Sunset (80 minutes)
Aaargh – they look so young! Does that mean we’ve aged too? Of course not. You’ve never looked younger. Really. Appropriately – this is the middle one (between Before Sunrise (1995) and Before Midnight (2013)) – this snappy romcom reunites Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy as the walkie-talkie couple in Paris. “The concept that you can only be complete with another person is evil, right?!” Delpy asks. Discuss. Or just don’t.
2. Duck Soup (68 minutes)
That’s right 68 minutes. We love this film already. As any Midult-about-town knows, Groucho isn’t just a members’ club full of martini drinking media types. The original Groucho was Groucho Marx, a one-man pun machine with a waggly cigar and fake moustache who stars in this screwy 1933 comedy along with his brothers.
3. Frances Ha (86 minutes)
Remember when it seemed like the biggest head-fuck in the world turning 30? Indie darling Greta Gerwig reminds us of our permanent confusion in this sparkling black and white 2013 comedy directed by her boyfriend Noah Baumbach, whose excellent The Squid and The Whale is also under 90 minutes – sir, we salute you for your excellent time management.
4. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (88 minutes)
White Castle is a US burger chain. But don’t worry about that. This ridiculous stoner comedy is genuinely funny when sober/straight – though we don’t recommend that.
5. High Noon (85 minutes)
Ooh, it’s cold outside, let’s slip on those sheepskin slippers (so ugly, so comfy) and cosy sofa blanket and snuggle into a black and white movie – but a quick one. Gary Cooper is our hero and Grace Kelly his fragrant new Quaker bride in this multi-Oscar winning Western, told in nearly real time.
6. Locke (85 minutes)
85 minutes gazing at Tom Hardy? We’re in. Even with this weird beard and eccentric Welsh accent. This inspired, high-tension concept drama consists of Hardy driving down a motorway at night, whilst talking on the phone. Sounds dull – actually gripping.
7. Phone Booth (81 minutes)
Talking of single location phone-based movies, here’s another. Is this now a thing? This time you can gaze at Colin Farrell. Who next? A thriller that entirely consists of Michael Fassbender manning a sex chat line. Hollywood – you can have that one for free.
8. March of the Penguins (86 minutes)
You see, penguins get it right. The blokes have to sit around numbing their brains and bums sitting on the eggs whilst the mums frisk off in a big fun girl gang to go diving. Inculcate your offspring early.
9. Zelig (79 minutes)
Want an intelligent film, but not got time to watch one of those three-hour long Oscar-type dramas? How about Woody Allen in under 80 minutes? Allen is Zelig, a ‘human chameleon’, and Mia Farrow the psychiatrist who falls in love with him. So you can always start an argument about Allen’s dodgy sex life choices during any slow bits.
10. Sleeping Beauty (75 minutes)
Ah – sleep, lovely lovely sleep. And fairies. And frocks. Personally I’d have told the Prince to sod off and stop ruining my lie-in, but there you go. 75 minutes of old school Disney bliss.