lady in the van, maggie smith, bad back, back pain, anxiety, worry, hunchback

When backs go bad

One morning you wake up and for some reason your lower back has… well… it’s just not right is it? And you think, ‘Whoa’. But because you are tired and therefore a little careless with your movements and there are things to do and lift and shift, you cannot prevent the pinging. The going, going, gone. And then there are a train of thoughts that hit you…

WILL I EVER WALK AGAIN? Whilst walking.

Is my enormous handbag aggravating it?

I need to find the backpack I bought last time my back went. The one that makes me look like a New Zealand geography teacher on a bad day. A bit Danish on a good one.

Is it my new boots? But I love my new boots. More than my back?

Will anyone notice this hot water bottle taped to my back?

Do I need to start saving for a mobility scooter?

Can anyone tell that I can’t stand up straight? Do I look old? I feel old.

Oh, the passage of time (even though you first messed your back up when you were 24 in Barbados playing bat and ball on wet sand)

Please don’t touch me.

Is it my life that is doing this? Am I storing tension in my spine? What do I need to change? I will do anything.

Even mindfulness. Repeats to self: I am noticing that I am noticing the pain in my back. I am noticing that I am noticing the pain in my back.

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