miss piggy, suitcase, luggage, running away, go bag, essentials

What’s in your go bag?

The world has gone mad. You never know when you might need to cut loose and get off the bus. See below for Midult running away supplies. Frankly this is what our holiday suitcase looks like too….

1. A jumpsuit

To make you feel confident like only a jumpsuit can and like you can take control of shit when you need to. So it might be awkward for all the nervous peeing you’ve got on the horizon, but that can’t be helped. At least you’ll look good while you’re panic googling ‘nearest loo’ or running into McDonalds pretending that you’re a customer so you can use theirs.

2. Floss

Nothing ruins your day like something getting wedged in your teeth that you can’t winch out with your nail. You may have decided to leave your life, but that doesn’t mean allowing for poor gum hygiene.

3. Your phone charger

If your phone dies, you die. Be practical. How else will you Instagram-story your tragic descent into madness?

4. Your favourite pillow

Laughable, given that you will not be sleeping ever again at this rate, but at least you can keep up the pretence of attempting to with something comfortable and comforting.

5. A picture of Justin Trudeau

Take the one of him balancing on the side of a table to demonstrate how strong his core is. Or the one of him stroking a baby’s face – or at Canadian pride – or boxing, so you can see his tattoos. It will really cheer you up.

6. A hair tie

Because the alternative is unimaginably horrifying.

7. Tweezers

For chin hairs. Can double as a weapon.

8. A bag of Xanax

There’s no need to be mentally present for all of this, you know.

9. Bread

If not now, when????

10. A eye mask

Stay away from the light.

11. A hot water bottle

Who doesn’t feel better with a nice, toasty hot water bottle gently generating heat up their jumper?

12. An unreasonable amount of clean knickers

No matter how desperate life gets, there are some things that can’t be compromised on. Clean knickers are what separate us from the animals.

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