sesame street, biscuit, cookie, cookie monster

What your biscuit says about you

  1. McVities Rich Tea: Your house is beige. You don’t like change, you don’t wear animal print because you think it’s showy and you have been going out with the same person since you were 15.
  2. Viennese Whirl: You are sexually experimental and hard to please as a result. Staying in on a Friday night is social suicide for you. Terrible FOMO. You are HUGE on Twitter, but only have creepy ‘follower’ friends on Facebook.
  3. Jaffa Cake: You like to tell people you are gluten-intolerant and that you meditate everyday and wear crystals in your bra, but deep down you crave pizza and acceptance.
  4. Oreos: Exposed brick, stainless steel, Hérmes bag, winters in Gstaad, summers in the Hamptons, friends with Gwyneth Paltrow since FOREVER, gold trousers, heaving with diamond push presents, romantically involved with your tennis coach, weird dreams, love Disney.
  5. Chocolate Chip: You still sleep with your childhood toy and obsessively do Sudoku when you’re stressed. You cry relentlessly during X Factor and want a pet rabbit. You still speak to your mother every day.
  6. Jammy Dodger: Criminal record.
  7. Ginger Nut: You speak fluent French and are having an affair with a much older man (everyone has guessed by the way – it’s the world’s worst kept secret).
  8. Wagon Wheel: Chlamydia. It’s hard to get rid of, isn’t it?
  9. Custard Cream: You’re always the most drunk person at the party and you have no filter when it comes to speaking your mind. However, you never forget a birthday and you can still do cartwheels.
  10. Bourbons: Emotionally complicated, your dog is your best friend and, even though you know it’s unhealthy and very much discouraged, so is your therapist. Being around the sheets in any bedding department is so calming. It’s become your safe space.
  11. Chocolate Digestive: You have complicated feelings about your mother-in-law and sometimes you wear your wife’s knickers. But only to watch the football. So that’s okay then.
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