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What your water says about you

Evian

You love peasant skirts and rattan furniture. Your children are named after famous cities, your pets are named after members of New Labour and you’ve given everyone you know a nickname, including the builders currently building you a swimming pool in your basement.

Volvic

You own expensive art and you don’t eat anything red. You have strong feelings about fracking and your house is full of watercolours of wild flowers that you did yourself. You have a Siamese cat and twelve pairs of Converse in different colours.

San Pellegrino

A wayward teenager, you once got ‘secretly’ engaged to a Turkish fisherman while you were still in sixth form. You endlessly sent him romantic poems you’d written and cried loudly over him in the common room. Discovering he’d given you The Clap helped you get over it. You now run your own massively successful dot com business and have four houses in four different countries.

Highland Spring

You never wear make-up and are relentlessly cheerful. You don’t believe in central heating and you are prone to taking in stray animals. You are immensely capable and can mend a fence or re-point a brick wall as well as make a dress from a pattern you designed yourself. The only thing that disorientates you is Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Perrier

You have a black Amex and you still think Howard’s Way was the best TV programme of all time. You think not having at least two skiing holidays a year is a sign of mental decline and you really, really love anything Art Deco.

Tap

You are extremely creative and own a huge vinyl collection. You are also very forgetful and can often be found shouting about having lost your sunglasses when they are only pushed up into your hair. You like classic comedies from the Seventies, musicals and early Nineties hip-hop.

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