elizabeth taylor, cat on a hot tin roof, bed, lounging, staycation, stay at home, summer plans

“What are your summer plans?”

  1. Isn’t it so naff to go abroad for the summer? And, actually, isn’t it so naff to make ‘plans’?
  2. I’m saving up to build a bunker.
  3. I’m trying to give up being a dick on Instagram and, if I go away, I’m bound to fall off the wagon.
  4. I’m far too busy for summer.
  5. I’m fully planning for stay-at-home Whoregust.
  6. I can go anywhere in my imagination. For free. And with Tom Hardy. You’re just going to France.
  7. I have a slight pain in my elbow. I don’t want to be far from home if it turns out to be a malignant tumour and then Ryan Air refuses to fly my body back.
  8. Anyway we could all be dead by then.
  9. The holidays are the best time to drive. The traffic is vastly reduced and the tubes are emptier. I’m not missing THAT.
  10. Actually I thought it might be a good time to get my tits done
  11. I’m already on a personal journey.
  12. I do want to go away, but my anxiety doesn’t and my anxiety is the one who holds the purse strings.
  13. I can’t go away, my passport photo is so embarrassing.
  14. I’m getting people to sponsor me not to go away? Head to my Just Giving page.
  15. I’m afraid I become sexually irresponsible around foreign fishermen who have big moustaches and don’t speak English.
  16. Already panicking at the thought of all the missed delivery slips I’d have if I went away… Really feeling anxious now.
  17. Do they have Ocado in Spain? Then, no.
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