about I hate having sex with my husband…

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This topic contains 29 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by Mr Right 9 months ago.

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    Muswell Middie

    Terrier I’m definitely one of those women who finds sex in safe domestic situations a huge turn off. But I wanted marriage and kids so knew it would be a trade off. But it’s a very big trade!


    I am not in this boat. I was married, got the point where sex was about as appealing as running down a busy street naked in full daylight. Spent a considerable amount of energy staying downstairs on the sofa, wondering furtively when I could go to bed in the knowledge that he would be asleep.
    I have convinced myself that frankly I wasn’t interested in sex any more EVER and would quite happily give it up.
    HOWEVER – transpired I was VERY into sex, gloriously, consumingly and athletically interested. Just not with him.
    3 choices – stay married and miserable, stay married and attempt to have some secret life (impossible I’m crap at deception), leave….
    I left………the marriage wasn’t working and the sex was a symptom. SO I wasn’t in love with him.
    OK! I guess what I am trying to say is – there is no great answer to this problem.
    What I WOULD say though is any woman who kids herself that any man is going to be content with sex about 4 times a year is delusional……
    Just sayin’


    I can see how this can happen. My husband is fit and gorgeous and I don’t have any desire either…we used to be at it like bunnies. I now have “maintenance” sex but I really wish the desire was how it used to be. Two small children don’t help but even so I virtually never feel like it…its very sad 🙁


    Twice a week & my husband is the kindest, loveliest man. Less than that and he is cranky & resentful. Unfortunately I have zero desire & it feels like yet another chore on a very long list. Long term I just don’t know how we will get through this as I would happily give up this side of things. I’m 51 and pre-menopausal, married 24 years with 3 older teenagers. Help!


    I’ve been married 18yrs we have 3 kids and I really love my husband…I just don’t find him attractive any more! I want to have sex just not with him. Why? Well he has let himself go, he’s put on weight, has lost quite a lot of hair and just doesn’t seem to take the same pride in his appearance…sorry but it’s a turn off. I’m still in my pre baby jeans and at least trying to push a look every day, why isn’t he! It really pi*sses me off! Am I wrong?


    I am not even married yet and I dread sex. I feel like it’s a problem with me. Exciting sex for me is new sex, or dominance. My boyfriend of nearly three years is very understanding and affectionate, and keen to please. I am turned on by his looks, he is very fit and handsome. But in the bedroom I am turned off by him. i have tried to tell him what I like and want but it’s hard when Its not just actions and movements but a different attitude. It’s very hard to describe but he comes off very juvenile and eager to please, unconfident and it’s cringe worthy. He’s late thirties but has not had much sexual experience. I feel like I am being disrespectful to him, and I care about him a lot. There just isn’t enough sexual chemistry. We are great partners and support each other very well, have the same wants from life and cohabit effortlessly. Can chemistry be developed?

    Bike chick

    Wow! 😨

    There a lot of married folk not having sex.
    I am single and unmarried but before I may my now ex- I was celeibate for over 10 years. Did not want to do all that one night stand crap because – have you seen the people out there?? I simply dated but did not partake.

    So I just waited.

    The sex with the ex was good / ok And I was worried I forgot how to di it. But i did like the fact that the relationship was a safe place to do it.
    Now I’m single again – I’m not Dating but if I do I will again refrain from sex, i just cannot get down with casual sex. And call me fairy tale / romantic but I do want to get married so that it can be all good. What could be better than sex with a person who is Married to you?
    Just saying is all😇

    Bike chick

    I thought that sex with your hubby was the highlight that’s why you get married

    I want to be a freak for my husband -period 😈


    Hmmmm. I’ve been married for 27 years and sex definitely is sometimes great and sometimes really not great at all. I’m now 51 and enjoying it again but there was a looooong period post kids where it was another chore on my to do list. Money worries, tiredness, low self esteem and just being touched all day by small children really left me not wanting anything other than sleep. I agree with the earlier post who said her husband had let himself go too, why is that so common, mums/ women running around looking fan-bloody-tastic while their blokes think it’s OK to wear saggy jeans with a beer belly?? Yuck. I find weekends away helpful. Conversation. Being Listened To. Though my husband is still having trouble grasping that last one. Sigh.

    Mr Right

    Hmmm. Well, if I may offer a view from the other side of the house, we actually still like sex! Further, I can also confirm that we do notice when our wife/partner/girlfriend stops feeling the same way. And further still, it becomes VERY apparent to us when our significant other thinks that we have all the sex appeal of a wet dishcloth. I speak from my own experience plus my two closest (male) friends. The answer? God knows. An ‘open marriage’? Doubt it – I suspect that one of those involved will at some point get insanely jealous and the whole thing will collapse. Divorce? Not a bundle of fun (been there) and you’re probably only postponing the event anyway. Trouble is, we get settled and the same old same old becomes, well, dull. So, I’ll be the one in Ann Summers buying the feather duster and the jester’s hat!!

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