about I hate having sex with my husband…

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This topic contains 29 replies, has 16 voices, and was last updated by Mr Right 6 months ago.

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    I love my handsome, kind husband but I hate having sex with him. I don’t want to have sex with anyone else either. I feel really ashamed.


    Literally everyone I know is in the same boat. I engineer huge fights to avoid having sex with my lovely husband. But I have to go through with it once a week.


    I have tips to get it over with quickly!


    But will it every change???? I really love him.


    How old are you qwert099? Could it be peri-menopause? Maybe some testosterone might get you back on track?


    I’m 43 and you might have a point helen_r_s60, but I’ve felt this way ever since I had my daughter and she’s 14. It just never came back.


    Mum sex is weird.


    I TOTALLY AGREE rachelk13. Mum sex has always felt wrong. Motherhood was really empowering to me in many ways but… not sexually. At all.


    I also have tips about how to kill a hard on by the way!!!!




    Don’t we get married because we fall in love with our husbands? We had sex all the time then. So why does having children change that? We didn’t marry them ‘just’ to have kids, we married them because we obviously felt they were ‘the one’. I have 2 boys but making love with my husband is still important. The only time I don’t want to ‘do it’ is when I don’t feel right with ‘me’. Weight issues, whatever… Could that be why?

    I think guys must know when we’re not into it… And that can’t be nice for them?


    Hey all, I’d definitely get your hormone levels checked – testosterone will help.
    But if you’ve always felt that way since having kids, can I suggest you get a little more comfortable with pleasuring yourself? You’ve probably just forgotten that you are a sexual being – once you know how to turn yourself on again, hopefully the rest will follow? Good luck x


    I think it is completely normal. Desire is driven by excitement and novelty not safety and familiarity. I read somewhere that relationships where people feel they are soul mates or best friends are the most likely to get into trouble sexually. It becomes like a brother-sister relationship and the thought of sex is a complete turn off. Those with a more challenging dynamic may not get on as well day to day, but may manage to retain the sexual spark for longer. The problem is that society teaches us that we should all be enjoying sex more once within the confines of a loving monogamous relationship. Which is basically bollocks.


    Can you get away together? I know it’s a cliched suggestion but maybe you need time to remember why you liked him back then? Go to the cinema, get tipsy at lunchtime, sleep in the afternoon, do stuff together – all might help

    I’m not in the same boat at all but do sympathise.


    Also, passion killers are: work, chores, kids, house stuff, weight, money worries…

    So it’s easily done


    But I really think if you want to stay married you need to work out a way to fix it or live with it (both of you)

    I couldn’t live in a sexless marriage and I wouldn’t expect my husband to either


    I’m laughing at the tips to kill a hard on, do you beat it over the head?


    Ugh i feel your pain. I’m in the same situation, love him to pieces but the idea of having sex? Just no thanks. My already-too-low libido fell off a cliff after having a child and i’ve never regained it. We’ve done the weekends away, reconnecting thing, i’ve got “in touch with myself” – nothing doing. I’ve resorted to giving in whenever his face starts to go purple (thankfully only every few weeks) in the hope of getting into the mood once we’re in it. Will be watching this thread with interest!

    Muswell Middie

    I also love my husband but sexton was never good and after my daughter was born (11.5 years ago) I just didn’t want to have sex with him any more. I’ve never cheated and don’t want to but I am sad that my sexton life effectively died in my mid 30s. I’m now 47.

    Muswell Middie

    Sex not sexton! Bloody predictive text!

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