Are you tired all the time? As tired in the morning as you are at night? As knackered after a big sleep as after a bad, bad night? Have you permanently got an Autumn in your step despite dragging yourself to HIIT training twice a week and giving up wheat? Have you had your thyroid, hormones, iron and everything else tested and it all looks normal; you rattle with supplements but you feel like the living dead; existing in a twilight world where your eyes feel a bit stingy and your limbs feel a bit leaden and you regularly bounce off walls like a drunk person even though you’re too scared to get drunk because you are so tired? Are you tired after holidays and tired after bed-centric weekends?
Living with unexplained exhaustion feels shameful. Where is my engine? Why don’t I work properly? “Being tired is not an illness,” say your most energy-snobbish friends. Oh, but it feels like one. Or a sentence, actually; but what was the crime?
Tiredness isolates. You do less, see less, talk less. You are at capacity with earning enough money to live and keeping any family relationships alive so you are very much not the funnest girl at the party. In fact, if you even made it to the party, you probably left before it even got fun.
The days when you don’t feel tired are the ones you note. They come perhaps once a month and they are a marvel. But there is no telling when the next one will pop up or why. So you wait, and your life shrinks a little bit more, and you try not to mind too much. Because minding is tiring and caring is tiring and you are not depressed yet but it can’t be long now…