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Things we shouldn’t apologise for

It’s hard to work out which we say more often: WTF or I’m sorry. Sometimes at the same time wtfiamsorry. I’m sorry, we’re sorry, not sorry, a bit sorry, sorry, sorry, who’s sorry now? Well here are some things we shouldn’t apologise for…

  1. Our moustaches: Hair is happening. It’s EVERYWHERE. And sometimes we’ve managed to maintain our bikini lines but what’s that darkening at the lip… it’s the battle of Hairstings every single damn day. You win some, you lose some.
  2. Wanting to take off our bras: Not in a burny, smash the patriarchy kind of way. In a thank God we are home and I actually have welts kind of a way.
  3. Being a feminist: In a burny, smash the patriarchy kind of way.
  4. Independence: Not married? No children? Married? Children? Whatever. You are enough.
  5. Obsessing over highlighter: Oooh cheekbones, ooh shimmer, ooh shine, ooh dewy skin.
  6. How many people you’ve slept with: It doesn’t mean anything. Although you still regret that Aussie guy.
  7. How many people you want to sleep with: Sometimes you are hashtag horny. The magic mist descends and it could be the butcher or someone from Love Island or that bearded guy at the gym. And then just as quickly. Poof.
  8. Looking like hell: For the days when you haven’t slept, the demons are there, the roof is leaking, the roots are being fixed tomorrow, you put hand cream on your face and you’re sweaty. Yes you look stressed. You are stressed. It is stressful.
  9. Wanting to make money: There comes a point when you suddenly become very money hungry. Like a pound-starved Pacman. It hits you unexpectedly because you thought it didn’t matter to you and suddenly you start channelling Gordon Gekko even though you know that he wasn’t a very nice man. You want an extension, goddamnit. *slams fist on desk* *twangs metaphorical braces*
  10. Eating all the time: You are always hungry. Why? Who cares why?
  11. Growing old: It’s not your fault.
  12. Enjoying your looks: Conversely there are many things you love about the ever-changing face of you. Like the way a bit of softening on the jaw has sharpened your nose. Or how you’ve finally found your best hair colour. And what, are those cheekbones? Finally?
  13. Wearing whatever the fuck you want: Floral patterned jumpsuits that show your bra, enormous pants that cover everything from belly button downwards, tracksuit bottoms that are as old as you are and even more distressed.
  14. Saying no: No. You. Cannot. Do. This. You have no bandwidth left. Those adverts were right then, and they are right now: Just Say No. To that drinks party. Oh, and heroin.
  15. Not being sorry: It’s strange when something happens and, yes, in a certain light you might be in the wrong – but right now you are unrepentant. And that is OK. Until you wake up at 3am with THE FEAR. But at this moment, you are absolutely fine with it.
  16. Being angry: You’ve spent years suppressing your anger because you thought it was unfeminine. Well you are furious now. And the acknowledged fury is making you feel better.
  17. Taking a view: Yes you worry about that horrible tumbleweed moment when you say what you really think. But you have years of experience. Years and years (OK, don’t go on). You know what the fuck you are talking about.
  18. Putting yourself first: Sometimes you just need to lie down on a pile of warm laundry – that you have not done and that you are not going to put away – and sleep. Or have 25 baths. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
  19. Not cleaning our cars: Filthy. Hair everywhere (see point 1). Sweets and bits of crisps. Is it a car or a bin? You don’t have to answer that question.
  20. Needing help, feeling sad: It happens to all of us. Talk to a friend. Watch endless episodes of The West Wing. Sleep. Meds. Exercise. Carbs. Whatever gets you through.
  21. Wanting to go home and lie down for 100 years: Sleeping Beauty had the right idea.
  22. Not responding immediately to a text, email: Everyone is constantly playing catch-up. You know this. NOT SORRY.
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