Never buy a mattress when you are tired
Never look for a dress on the day of a party
It won’t be there. It’s wandered off in someone else’s bag, someone who saw it and thought, ‘There’s a useful dress for a party that isn’t even in my diary yet’. It’s OK to hate that person. But be her next time.
Never go out two nights in a row
Never look at your emails at 3am
So some bastard dog is barking. Or you’ve woken up because it’s just another night. So, as you are drinking a tiny thimbleful of water because you are a parched husk but terrified of waking up again for another pee, you check your emails and there’s one saying, ‘Can I have five minutes in the morning?’ and BOOM that’s your sleep over.
Never go shopping in a supermarket when you are hungry
Never make a mental list of all the people you have slept with
Why would you do this, you may ask? Well maybe you just happen to thinking about an old flame and then your mind starts to wonder and you can’t help it but it all comes flooding back. Can open, worms everywhere. Worms. Also never write down a list of things you’ve eaten. Bad juju.