Am I a grumpy woman? Definitely. But I also am rarely one to judge. I enjoy getting stoned more than I enjoy occupying the high moral ground. Each to his/her own. Whatever gets us through the night. I have neither the inclination nor the energy to finger wag.
But here we are, all grown-up, and many of us are guilty of doing bad impressions of teenagers saying, “It was, like, so, like, embarrassing. I was like, ‘WHAT?’ and then he was like ‘I KNOW!’”
But now we need to talk. We literally need to talk. About literally. Because it literally has to stop. It is a literal infestation (it isn’t) and it has taken hold and we need to release its grip on our vernacular. Like, now. You are probably not literally starving. If you are literally hysterical then you have already killed the joke you are about to tell. Self-control is needed to ban literally. And, seeing as we’re here, actually could go the same way. Along with basically.
Words to ban or at least to use ECONOMICALLY:
- Iconic. It’s a bag. Shut up.
- Not so much. Over.
- End of. Leave my life forever.
- Banter. Only used by those with none.
- Just saying. It’s annoying. Always.
- Only me. Why rub yourself out?
- Reaching out. Presumably you mean contacting?
- I hear you. Unless you have been, up until this moment, profoundly deaf and you have a new, miraculous hearing device and are hearing a human voice for the very first time. In which case, knock yourself out.