meetings, work, werk, wurk, facial, massage, pretend, fake, julia roberts, mirror mirror

“Sorry, I’ve got to run to a meeting”

You work really hard. At everything. All the time. But you are only human. And some things can’t happen at lunchtime. And sometimes Saturday should be allowed to be… empty. So occasionally when you say you’ve got a meeting, it’s werk, or wurk, rather than work. You are meeting people. That much is true. And these “meetings” are what is keeping you faintly functional. And able to work. So…

Emergency wax meeting

Something has unexpectedly hotted up and you are meeting tonight. Or suddenly someone has invited you to go for a swim in a lovely pool (OK this never happens). Suddenly you realise that you can’t bear to look at the forest that lies beneath ANYMORE. Whatever, it needs attention.

Therapy meeting

Some other person in massive emotional pain but who is way more organised has got all the 6pm slots. Can you do 2:45pm?

Job interview meeting

Gosh you look smart. Oh yes I’ve got a meeting. *Hopes new foundation is hiding the lying blushes*

Save my face meeting

There’s been a cancellation at that brilliant face woman in Chelsea and you know that a) she will make you look 10 years younger and six years happier b) if you don’t take it some other fucker will. And then everyone in the known world. 3:10pm is perfect. You’ll be there.

Zara meeting

There’s a new delivery at Zara. Those cheap biker boots that have broken the internet. And they are arriving at 11am. Which is, happily, just when you’ve got that meeting.

I need to get out of here meeting

When you have to run and hide because you know that you are brilliant, underpaid, overworked, exhausted and some guy called Geoff who can’t turn on a computer has just been put in charge of the internet. This might be a long meeting.

iPhone Genius bar meeting

Your phone is broken. Therefore you are broken. You can no longer operate your life. Up until recently you were unbothered about picking out shards of glass from your face due to the shattered screen but now it’s really not working. So you are not working.

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