steve martin, man with two brains, head, brain, thoughts, memory, never forget

Some things you never forget

You remember nothing. Why are you even standing there? And yet there are so many things you hold in your head. Like…

  1. Four telephone numbers: your parent’s, your best friend’s landline from 20 years ago, your sister’s mobile number and the pay phone number in your halls of residence.
  2. What you have eaten every day forever. Also your lowest weight and when and what you wore (after your university trip to India, your mother cried when she picked you up from the airport and you wore vests ALL THE TIME, even in December). And your highest weight. And what you wore. But let’s not dwell.
  3. How many hours – to the minute – you’ve slept every night for the past week.
  4. The descant to Hark The Herald Angels Sing. If you don’t concentrate hard enough at a service you occasionally lapse into it.
  5. All the outfits Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman. From the boots, to the short-suit, to the red velvet dress to the spotty polo outfit. What you wore yesterday? Not a clue.
  6. Every piece of jewellery you have ever lost. From your godmother’s Russian wedding ring that you lost – pissed – in a North West London street late one night. To the beloved earring given by your father that vanished under the wardrobe and into Narnia. And it still hurts.
  7. Where your passport is. But not your birth certificate. Or the other way around. Nothing is simple.
  8. Every lyric to every song that you ever played in the 90s. Every word of the film Grease. And millions of other useless movie quotes that make you feel old-kward when you say them in the office. I feel the need, the need for speed. *dies of shame*
  9. The best sex you’ve ever had. And the worst sex you’ve had. Oh God. And Oh God.
  10. Exactly what a school baked potato with that grated “cheese” tasted like. No baked potato with cheese has ever tasted the same since. Happily.
  11. That jacket that you didn’t buy 18 years ago. It was perfect. It was Joseph. It was too expensive. But, oh, how you would have worn it. It would have changed your life. Everything would have been different. Sometimes you look for it on eBay.
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