What is a snaccident? It’s the act of eating an entire pizza/box of chocolates/family size bag of crisps. By mistake. “Just an innocent mistake, your honour. I was basically a bystander.” Turns out, there are no snacks. There are only snaccidents waiting to happen.
Because one time you were doing the Ocado shop super fast and you *uncharacteristically* decided that you needed Dairy Milk, and you didn’t look at the grammes because you are so busy and when it arrived it was the 360g one, which is practically the size of a sheet of A4, and it went. And since then it’s always on your favourites and you are always “forgetting” to reduce the size because you know, you are so busy.
The Netflix and chomp
Nothing goes better with The Crown than salt and vinegar Kettle Chips, and oh the dishwasher is on, so there are no clean bowls so we’ll just open a family-sized packet and isn’t Princess Margaret a minx and, oh hell, the crisps are finished.
The Bread Herring
This is a nice restaurant. So much to look forward to. No we don’t need bread thank you. Oh really? Homemade? Well just put it there, I won’t touch it. And anyway as I was saying, he just wants me to dress up as a – wow, that’s good, with the salty butter. Just a nibble because I am pretty much completely gluten-intolerant and… do you have any more of the nutty one?
Need to be healthy tonight. You know, just low-level anorexic, because of that dress I want to get into and there’s only toast in the cupboard and that would be unhealthy so I think I’ll order in. Just to avoid chomping on Crunchy Nuts at 11pm. Maybe some Lebanese. Just grilled chicken. And salad (the one with the fried bread bits because it’s pretty much the only one they do) and then hummus. Always hummus. And Moutabal. Don’t know how to pronounce it, do know how to eat it. And those pastry things stuffed with healthy spinach. And cheese. And isn’t baklava made with healthy honey?