spongebob squarepants, busy, mental claustrophobia, serial skilling, multi-tasking, multi-tasker

Signs you are a terrible multi-tasker

Is this you? You are always dropping things or stubbing your toe or writing notes in alien, indecipherable writing – sometimes just one word. Sometimes merely letters. Like ‘DFW’. WTF? And when you go back and look at them you are both, “Jesus I hope no one sees this handwriting because they would have me committed” and also, “what does it MEAN?” This is because you did it while you were doing something else. And everyone thinks they are good at multi-tasking. But the truth is no one is. Do any of these scenarios feel familiar…

Talking to your mother while watching Instagram Stories and topping up the shop at Sainsburys:

Suddenly it’s all unidentified object in the bagging area or an alarm goes off as you try to leave the shop and you are waiting for the person to come, and yes of course I was listening Mum, oh wow I like those cords and no wait sorry I didn’t agree to lunch with the dreaded aunt in Dorking. This is because you are a terrible multi-tasker.

Watching X Factor, while doing Ocado and writing a thank you letter:

Come delivery day you have oversized sugar and one chicken breast and six basil plants, more detergent than you can ever imagine, as well as silver paper napkins and no coffee and you signed the letter Simon because you are a terrible multi-tasker.

On the loo, sending an important work email while sorting out Christmas on the family WhatsApp group:

This is dangerous territory – you are almost certain to a) drop the phone in the loo and cause incalculable damage and stress because maybe you had already peed or WORSE b) send kisses in your work email c) agree to host Christmas – because you are a terrible multi-tasker.

Addendum: can you BELIEVE you have a family WhatsApp group. Again, WTF?

Cooking, doing laundry, sorting out drinks with friends, meditating:

Yes it’s Bolognese so if you close your eyes for a grounding meditation moment all will be fine, right? It can just simmer. Hang on aren’t you supposed to be feeling relaxed? Yes of course you will feel better once the white wash is on and oh shit, you’ve dropped half of it down the stairs, you’ve invited the one and only friend you truly loathe to the pub and the Bolognese is burning – because you are a terrible multi-tasker.

Trying on the cords in &OtherStories, while writing ideas for important strategy meeting and planning a holiday:

Are cords even a good idea? Are there any good ideas? Do you have any good ideas? You look at your notes in the very important meeting (VIM) and you have that awful creeping feeling that you haven’t done any revision or that you are naked in your history A-Level exam, and the cords made you look like a sofa so now you don’t want to go on holiday ever again because you feel physically repulsive, are about to get fired and, clearly, a terrible multi-tasker.

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