This is not very sexy, but sex can take a bit of planning these days. There is a whole host of reasons for this: Squeezing sex in between work/nervous breakdowns/children who never sleep/fertility windows/aged parents/meditation. Of course it could be that you have elaborate sexual fantasies that require scripts, tools and costumes (that’s relaxing). Or maybe your sexual fantasy is just to have actual sex.
Possibly – to aid in the planning – you have a code word for sex. You may be having an affair with a co-worker and want to indicate that you are waiting in the disabled loo and the aubergine/peach emoji is too obvious. Maybe you call it 801 because that’s the time the children should be asleep by and you want to make sure that NO ONE ELSE falls asleep – by accident – and misses the sex window: When a black hole opens up in space for, 15 minutes, you need to take it right now or you’ll end up drifting alone forever like George Clooney in that film.
Or maybe you are reading this and thinking, “I need a code. I need a code right now. This is what I have been missing in my sex life.” So, we dug around and on Mental Floss we found some euphemisms for sex dating back 600 years. Fancy. Please feel free to use any of these, with absolute no guarantee of sex-cess:
- Ride below the crupper (1578). A crupper is the thing that holds a saddle in place. You might like to come a crupper.
- Fadoodling (1611). Too cosy?
- Put the devil into hell (1616). From the dark days when they were scared of vaginas.
- Princum-prancum (1630). In no way would you feel foolish whispering this.
- Join giblets (1680). Meaty.
- Dance the kipples (1796). Imagine for a second getting that text. Turned on? Well then ‘tis for you.
- Horizontal refreshment (1863). Conservative. But practical. And clear.