fish called wanda, sex scene, kevin kline, sex, sex injury, injuries, pain

Sex injuries

How’s your lower back? Do your legs ache? Have you done something funny to your shoulder? Is your wrist twanging? Is your jaw feeling strangely stiff? Groin strain? Really? A bit of a limp here, a slight ‘oof’ there. Did you do it in pilates? Unloading the shopping? Trying to get out of a deckchair/beanbag/hammock? Taken up running again? Or….

In our twenties we constantly suffered from party injuries, mostly from being drunk and crashing into things or falling down other things. But, more and more, these days, amongst our own, we are hearing about the phenomenon of the sex injury.

Perhaps, in our late thirties and forties, we are getting less self-conscious about our bodies and therefore a little more adventurous. Whilst also getting a bit less flexible and bomb-proof. One Midult, who may or may not have had sex on a chair in the garden last week (taking all the strain on her thighs), then limped around wincing for days afterwards. She would have been far too embarrassed and shy to have had sex on a chair in the garden in her twenties but, somehow, she gave it an extended go and then…. ouch. And stretching didn’t help.

Another Midult had sex on a table and did something so sinister to her back that she ended up spending hundreds on the chiropractor while telling him that she wasn’t sure how this could have happened. She knew. She felt it ‘go’ and carried on.

Another grown-up was masterfully tugged down the bed by her partner only to hear a sinister click. They both stopped. And waited. Did the click indicate trauma or release? It could have gone either way. She was fine. This time. But he’s going to have to chill on the muscular/caveman heroics from now on.

Have we reached the point where, when we say we’re going to slip into something more comfortable/to brush our teeth, we are actually going into the bathroom to do some vigorous limbering up. Because sex is getting more interesting. And who has time to be injured?

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