trainwreck, post-coital, bed, sex, sleep, anxiety, worry, after sex

Post-coital paranoia

  1. How long do have I to lie here before I can go and put a wash on/turn Instagram on/get in a Uber without looking insane/a bit cold-hearted/slutty?
  2. Why aren’t I more daring? Why am I so vanilla? Is it too late to learn new skills?
  3. Is it safe to take my make-up off now or is he going turn the light on again?
  4. God I am thirsty, God I am hungry – too late to Deliveroo?
  5. Did I just dislocate something? That click was not normal. And it almost, but not quite, hurts. Like my bone is humming or something.
  6. Am I too old to do what I just did?
  7. I want nice arms, I want nice arms, I want nice arms, I want nice arms.
  8. I really, really, really want to change the sheets now. NOW. But will that kill the mood? (This feels a bit like when they change the tablecloth in the middle of dinner…)
  9. Does this mean I don’t need to go to the gym this week? 500 calories just burnt – yessss.
  10. I AM SO GOOD AT THIS.
  11. HE IS SO GOOD AT THIS.
  12. I wonder if they’ve got those nice kebab things at the butcher.
  13. He did just say cock? I think he said cock. I can’t believe he said cock. Who still says cock? Cock, cock, cock. Did I say pussy? Did I? I think. I. Did. SHHHIIIT.
  14. I forgot to call my mother.
  15. Actually maybe now is a good time to talk about the fact that I never want to speak to his mother again…
  16. But how much more horrifying is The Handmaid’s Tale going to get?
  17. Am I going to sleep? Please let me sleep. I can’t deal without another sleepless night. I nearly ran over the cat yesterday and nearly sent the strategy report to the wrong Alan.
  18. Wait, hold on, AGAIN? Not poss.
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