are you peeing right now, pee, toilet, loo

The politics of phone peeing

I was on the phone to a friend the other day when she said, “Sorry, I just need to pee – do you mind?” and rang off. “That’s funny,” I said when she rang back, “I would have just peed without telling you.” “Yes,” she said, “I normally do that too.” “You should have just gone for it,” I said. “If anyone ever hears anything (which they don’t by the way) I just say I’m washing my hands.” “No one ever hears, do they,” she said. “The problem is flushing,” I said. “If you flush, they’ll know.” “Yes,” she agreed. “But then you might forget you peed and then someone might come round and think you are the kind of person who doesn’t flush when they pee,” I said, worried. “That would be bad,” she said – and then, slightly changing tack – “I pee in front of my husband and children and probably a lot of my friends.” “Oh, I’m quite happy to pee in front of people too,” I agreed. “We all used to pee in front of each other’s boyfriends at University.” “Hmm, me too,” she said. “I remember knocking on the bathroom door when my flatmate’s boyfriend was in the bath and shouting, ‘I’m coming in, I have to pee!’ and him complaining, ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ as I peed and also laughed at him covering his genitals with his hands,” I said. “I miss those days.” “I wouldn’t pee and be on the phone in the office though,” my friend said darkly. “In case someone heard me and thought I was weird.” “God, I would never do that,” I agreed. “Although, I have just peed while we were having this conversation.” “Oh, right!” my friend said brightly.

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