So you didn’t get a big Magimix because you don’t have the room in your kitchen and feel like you don’t really need a big one capable of breadcrumbing a whole loaf in one go. Except you realise it’s not practical at all because you end up having to halve all the ingredients to get them to fit and so everything takes twice as long. Unless you are making miniature recipes for your Sylvanian family – and should be seeing a doctor.
China measuring spoons
The lovely weight of the china spoon in your hand as you get all Nigella with your fancy utensils and tap your spoon out on the side of the bowl to get the last of the bicarbonate of soda out – and the whole thing shatters into your ingredients, which means you have to chuck them out and start again – unless you don’t have a problem with people potentially having their throats slashed by small shards of china. Thanks for nothing.
Plastic lettuce knife
In case you get that feeling when you’re making a salad that, as you reach for the lettuce, you need to…. swap knives. Is the lettuce too grand for your normal knife? Will the leaves taste different if cut with the dedicated lettuce knife? Does anything even make sense in this world anymore?
Device for opening jars
If you’ve never seen one of these things, it looks a bit like a clamp you might find in the excited hand of a toothless Tudor torturer, who has one eye on your thumbs and possibly other body parts and is ready to deadhead you like a rose. It looks evil. And dangerous. Like it wants to injure you. Obviously you’ll never touch it. Even if it means all those jars of jalapenos/anchovies/garlic-stuffed olives go unopened for the rest of your life.
Really huge serving dishes
Oh right – so you’re having the whole of the British Armed Forces over for dinner? No you’re not. Which is why that dish will FOREVER sit under the smaller dishes slowly gathering dust and getting chipped as you try to repeatedly bash it getting out the things you do actually use. But you will never, ever get rid of it.
Colour changing egg timer
Imagine if you remembered to actually use this. Then, it’s asking a lot to even remember you own one. It’s asking a lot to remember anything at all.