The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists recently recommended that women who suffer from extreme Pre-Menstrual Tension should be offered therapy on the NHS. We’re FINE by the way. Apart from all the boring usual crying and shouting – which is COMPLETELY NORMAL by the way – there’s the other stuff too. Isn’t there?
PMT made me…
- Say I was just going to the loo but really get in an Uber and go home and not answer the phone. I’ll think of an excuse later.
- Have a major snaccident: Who ate all the fridges?
- Stare at that man on the Tube and then get caught staring so keep staring in a pretend unfocussed, middle distance way to cover it up. Which doesn’t cover it up.
- Binge shop on ASOS. Luminous trainers? Jolly. Dungarees? Hideable in. Jumpers with ruffles on them? Yes please. Buy everything in S, M, L. Because that’s how I feel.
- Cry watch devastating films: ‘Accidentally’ download Terms of Endearment, Beaches, Steel Magnolias. BOOM.
- Perform savage surgery on a hormonal spot . Which doesn’t work. Put toothpaste on the open-wound. Which doesn’t work.
- Dive into Hate-Insta: Deliberately scroll through the feeds of people you loathe, your ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend’s recent trip to Ibiza, the girls you disliked at school/university, the boys you secretly love. Give it the full #bitter.
- Grope yourself a lot. Touch your breasts. Are they sore? Yes. Touch them again. Still sore. Yes.
- Cancel inappropriately. Your mother’s 70th. Your best friend’s 40th. Anything that is supposed to be fun. Funerals you can handle. Bring it on.
- Check all your bank accounts. Move some money around. Lose track. Feel poor. Panic. Buy an overpriced meditation app.