new girl, zooey deschanel, ugly crying, hormonal, PMT

PMT made me do it

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists recently recommended that women who suffer from extreme Pre-Menstrual Tension should be offered therapy on the NHS. We’re FINE by the way. Apart from all the boring usual crying and shouting – which is COMPLETELY NORMAL by the way – there’s the other stuff too. Isn’t there?

PMT made me…

  1. Say I was just going to the loo but really get in an Uber and go home and not answer the phone. I’ll think of an excuse later.
  2. Have a major snaccident: Who ate all the fridges?
  3. Stare at that man on the Tube and then get caught staring so keep staring in a pretend unfocussed, middle distance way to cover it up. Which doesn’t cover it up.
  4. Binge shop on ASOS. Luminous trainers? Jolly. Dungarees? Hideable in. Jumpers with ruffles on them? Yes please. Buy everything in S, M, L. Because that’s how I feel.
  5. Cry watch devastating films: ‘Accidentally’ download Terms of Endearment, Beaches, Steel Magnolias. BOOM.
  6. Perform savage surgery on a hormonal spot . Which doesn’t work.  Put toothpaste on the open-wound. Which doesn’t work.
  7. Dive into Hate-Insta: Deliberately scroll through the feeds of people you loathe, your ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend’s recent trip to Ibiza, the girls you disliked at school/university, the boys you secretly love. Give it the full #bitter.
  8. Grope yourself a lot. Touch your breasts. Are they sore? Yes. Touch them again. Still sore. Yes.
  9. Cancel inappropriately. Your mother’s 70th. Your best friend’s 40th. Anything that is supposed to be fun. Funerals you can handle. Bring it on.
  10. Check all your bank accounts. Move some money around. Lose track. Feel poor. Panic. Buy an overpriced meditation app.
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