I may not look twinkly and cheery. I may not smile or make any jokes or laugh or gossip for these few hours. Eyebrows may be raised behind my back because my demeanour is distinctly unsocialised. I am not here for the experience right now. I do not want to take part.
Equally I am not in a bad mood. I feel no resentment or misery or anger. I do not wish to punish anyone or make my feelings felt. I have no point to prove and I do not intend to transmit any passive aggression.
It is as simple as this: right now, I am too busy to be nice. I know everyone is busy and that we live in the cult of busy and really we should ban ‘busy’ because if you buy into ‘busy’ then you buy into stress. But, can I have this, just for an hour or two? Please. Because I am heart-poundingly busy.
The house is falling down and I am patching it together in a stupidly piecemeal fashion; something you only do if you are a bit broke because you can’t afford to do anything properly so you pay for everything twice. I’ve got relationship stuff filling my head which is making me highly adrenalised. I’m on a diet which is stupid because diets don’t work but see previous point. I have an old business and a new business and various bits on the side, all of which are super-hungry right this second but they need to be listened to because of aforementioned house falling down.
So I need to find a way to gently transmit that, even though I am not in a bad mood at all, it would be really amazing if, just for an hour, everyone could leave me the hell alone. In a loving way.