gravity, space, outer space, astronaut, floating, mysteries, universe

Mysteries of the Midult universe

  1. Why can we no longer remember anything about what we did yesterday but will never forget that shit Giles who dumped us for our *friend* Hannah in 1996? Names haven’t been changed.
  2. Why do we always wake up at 1am and 5am?
  3. Why can’t we commit to writing a will?
  4. Why has Tom Hardy become Welsh-ish and why don’t we mind?
  5. Why does our salad dressing sometimes not emulsify?
  6. Why do we always want to have sex with a new person mid-waxing cycle when NOTHING CAN BE DONE?
  7. Why can we never get to the end of a podcast? Even though we have tried really, really hard. And deliberately didn’t lie down so we wouldn’t fall asleep.
  8. Why did we buy that skort thing? Or that cheerful jumper? Or that peasant blouse? Or those shoes that are too small/too high/too ugly for words?
  9. Why did our ears start ringing eight months ago and why won’t it stop?
  10. Why is the phone ringing?
  11. Why did someone leave a voice message?
  12. Why can’t we bring ourselves to listen to it?
  13. Why is no one calling?
  14. Why do we think we will be able to resist the ‘sharing chips’?
  15. Why are we so tired all the time?
  16. Why do we always bump into people we’ve slept with at totally inappropriate places like christenings or book launches or Sainsburys?
  17. Why did we sleep with so many people? And why are they still alive? And why do they live locally?
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