Me: I’m so tired.
You: Me too.
Me: I’m just not sleeping.
Me: Yes, my short-term memory has been affected by no sleep too.
You: What were we even talking about?
Me: I can’t remember, I’m too tired.
You: You’re quite hard to understand, you know.
Me: Am I talking like a demonic record being played backwards?
You: Sorry, I just had a micro sleep.
Me: I wish I could have a micro sleep.
You: Six seconds is the longest I have slept in about a year.
Me: Only a year! You’re so lucky.
You: Probably two years, actually, don’t forget the memory loss.
Me: Six seconds is like a lie-in for me.
Me: Not even recreationally fun, they’re so ineffective.
You: Sleep CDs…..
Me: I mean, stop talking, I’m trying to sleep!
You: Positive affirmations…..
Me: ‘”I allow my raging evil brain of death to switch off and let go.”
Me: For amateurs and children.
Me: You lost me at, “You are feeling very sleepy.”
You: I’ve basically been awake for most of my adult life.
Me: I feel like I’ve been awake since Robbie Williams was still with Take That.
You: I feel like I’ve been awake since before I was born.
Me: Since before my parents met.
You: When dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
Me: Sometimes I feel so tired I just want to kill myself.
You: I’m too tired to kill myself, I just can’t be arsed.
Me: I don’t have the energy to even argue with you.
You: Brain. Melting. Won’t. Form. Sentences.
You: Can’t, too tired.