exhausted, tired, insomnia, tiredness one upmanship, owl

I’m more tired than you

Me: I’m so tired.

You: Me too.

Me: Like, REALLY exhausted.

You: Shattered beyond the point of madness.

Me: I’m just not sleeping.

You: I haven’t slept in – well, I can’t remember how long.

Me: Yes, my short-term memory has been affected by no sleep too.

You: What were we even talking about?

Me: I can’t remember, I’m too tired.

You: You’re quite hard to understand, you know.

Me: Am I talking like a demonic record being played backwards?

You: ……………..

Me: Hello?

You: Sorry, I just had a micro sleep.

Me: I wish I could have a micro sleep.

You: Six seconds is the longest I have slept in about a year.

Me: Only a year! You’re so lucky.

You: Probably two years, actually, don’t forget the memory loss.

Me: Six seconds is like a lie-in for me.

You: I’ve tried everythingsleeping pills…..

Me: Not even recreationally fun, they’re so ineffective.

You: Sleep CDs…..

Me: I mean, stop talking, I’m trying to sleep!

You: Positive affirmations…..

Me: ‘”I allow my raging evil brain of death to switch off and let go.”

You: Melatonin….

Me: For amateurs and children.

You: Hypnosis….

Me: You lost me at, “You are feeling very sleepy.”

You: I’ve basically been awake for most of my adult life.

Me: I feel like I’ve been awake since Robbie Williams was still with Take That.

You: I feel like I’ve been awake since before I was born.

Me: Since before my parents met.

You: When dinosaurs roamed the Earth.

Me: Sometimes I feel so tired I just want to kill myself.

You: I’m too tired to kill myself, I just can’t be arsed.

Me: I don’t have the energy to even argue with you.

You: Brain. Melting. Won’t. Form. Sentences.

Me: Help.

You: Can’t, too tired.

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