midult mantra, mantras, miditations, affirmations, swim in lake fuck off

More mantras for Midults

Yes we swim/run/[insert some other exercise], occasionally. Yes we drink lots of water and eat lots of food. No we are in no way relaxed or zen. But these daily miditations might help. Worth trying? Needs must…

I need a swim in Lake Fuck Off

Who knows where Lake Me is? We’ve CityMapper-ed, we’ve Googled, we’ve Waze’d, we’ve star charted, and we’ve started therapy – and in the process we found Lake Fuck Off. Come on in, the water’s lovely.

Bury them with a smile

So today is difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. But you are not sour, you are sweet. You are carving out new and fabulous neural pathways. You are smiling. And they weren’t expecting that. Fuckers.

Drink coffee and pretend

Pretend that there are no arseholes, no strategy meetings at 5:30pm or 8am, no weird things growing on your face, no fitted sheets that only fit some of the time, no calories in Dairy Milk/Kettle chips, no embarrassing list of people that you’ve had sex with, no tiny disappointments that send your emotions pinging around the emotional pinball machine through the day. Just coffee. And denial.

I am listening

So universe what have you got? Some cash monaaaay? Directions to one of those magic wardrobe thingies that mean you could go and spend a year somewhere and come back and NO ONE would know you’d gone (let’s just think about that for a moment). Why is it that we only seem to be receiving crappy directions that mean we are going to metaphorically get lost up a back passage with no phone signal? Sorry, I didn’t quite get that. Should I meditate again?

What could possibly go wrong?

We know what you are thinking: ‘What complete maniacs would ask this question?’ ‘What insane fate-tempters would send out such a challenge?’ Slightly regretting it now.

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