Ever wondered if what you put in your shopping trolley might reveal more about you than what you’re having for dinner? We’ve all had that self-conscious moment when the person behind us at the till is having a good old nose at our Jolene and Smirnoff. Perhaps that’s why it’s called the check-out?
You’re partial to kundalini yoga, can chant Om in three separate sounds and have recently developed quite a thing about ‘womb music’. Sometimes you wonder where your womb actually is. While you can generally hold Plank for one more breath than the yoga mat next door, you refuse to trampoline and try really hard not to wee when you sneeze.
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
You’re gutted to think that people who can vote in this election were born in the year you left your highest paid job because you got pregnant. You’re slightly dreading the glamping this summer and would much rather burn your early-bird tickets to Latitude and book an Airbnb apartment in Florence. You spend more money on your hair than you do on your children.
You like to carry your lunch in your pocket, since you’re always on the run. You think grazing is amazing, and have switched to Birch Water just recently because Coconut is sooo everywhere. You always check your sleep pattern on FitBit, being sure to tell everyone how it all went. You recently invested in a full set of kettlebells and a Sweaty Betty Workout Poncho with matching culottes.
You cut your own hair and prefer comfortable cotton pants, which don’t cut in. You still like colouring books, and never mind holding up the supermarket queue to cash in money-off vouchers for dog biscuits. You’re proud that you can change a plug, but haven’t had to since 1987.
You miss album covers. You miss Wonderbras. You miss Dave the barman from Corfu in 1993. You call coffee ‘coffee’, not flat white. You’re wondering if everyone gets the clicky thing when they bend their knees. You wish you could think of something new to have for dinner. When you go out to dinner, you always order the same thing. You’d love to love kale but in all honesty it’s just too damn chewy.
You’re quite happy to bring your own salad dressing along to supper parties. You thought you were going to be a video DJ, until one day you discovered you were a chiropodist. You will never own a yacht, a villa in Ibiza or a Victoria Beckham dress, but the anthocyanins in the blueberries should do wonders for your crossword skills.
You moved from diesel to petrol years ago. The recycling is in colour-coded bins and you always take your own bags to do the weekly shop. You have a diary, not a Google calendar, and you know exactly when to expect your next period. You’re not sure you want to go out tonight, and are considering using ‘women’s problems’ as an excuse, even though the diary says no. Your partner has started to shave his legs and has signed up for ‘une étape’ of the Tour de France.
By Mimi Spencer and Sam Rice, authors of The Midlife Kitchen: Health-boosting recipes for midlife & beyond