acronyms, midult acronyms, col, crying out loud, funny

Midult acronyms

CHS – Chin Hair Situation

When you casually brush your chin and feel the dagger-like upstart that wasn’t there the day before.

LOLASP – Laughing Out Loud And Slightly Peeing

That pelvic floor is a traitorous bastard. Less taut trampoline, more sagging hammock.

COL – Crying Out Loud

What’s the point of crying if you can’t really go for it? Better to get it all out, surely? Trail around the house thumping the furniture, that sort of thing?

WLTS – Would Like To Sleep

When you haven’t slept since before God invented water and have gone into that mental space beyond anger where you are now trying to be humble before the universe in the hope that begging to a higher force for some kind of divine intervention will help.

OOTD – Outrage Of The Day

WHY did Ocado see fit to replace your Duchy Original biscuits with some Jacobs crackers? WHERE did you put your keys for the millionth time today? HOW is it possible that Tom Hardy married to someone else?

FML – Forgot My Life

Friend: How was your Friday night?

You: Went to an all-night party, of course, where I was magnificent from start to finish, knocking back masses of booze, yet still managing to be amusing and devastating, going to bed at dawn, only to have everyone over for breakfast and a debrief.

Also you (suddenly remembering): Oh, no wait – that’s not my life. I was asleep on the sofa at 9.45 with a half-eaten pizza on my lap. The one I finished for breakfast. FML for a moment.

TBC – To Be Cancelled

When you agree to drinks you have absolutely no intention of attending.

ATF – All The Feelings

Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside. Also feeling angry, but calm. And really, really tired. But happy. And anxious. But optimistic. And brave. Apart from when scared.

LMAO – Laughing My Anxiety Off

When you go beyond the fear to a place where it all implodes and you genuinely find the horror funny and then feel slightly better.

TPIF – That Pain Is Fatal

When the small nagging pain in your foot turns into mistakenly Googling small nagging pain in your foot and you self-diagnose with cancer and give yourself six months to live.

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