will ferrell, zoolander, mutabu, fashionista, fashion crisis, fashionable, style

The Mid Man: Which fashion crisis are you?

  • The Britpop Loyalist: 1995 was the best year of your life. You snogged Sarah, fourth prettiest girl in the sixth form class, and she said your hair was “mega”, then you got that job in HMV. And lo, your look was born, never to be altered, only improved: Adidas Gazelles, vintage band T-shirt, shaggy feather cut. Two decades later, you look exactly and feel exactly the same, except Sarah married a dentist and some school kids laughed at you in Boots as you bought some hair product the other day.
  • The Euro Traveller: The cashmere-mix roll-neck tucked into high-waisted slim jeans, spotless fashion-label ‘luxe sneakers’. Finish off with severe and pricey spectacles. Fiddle with iPad. Then install yourself permanently in the only two places this ‘look’ makes any sense: A Swiss business-class airport departure lounge, on stage at a Ted Talk.
  • The Mid Fogey: Ah, excellent choice, sir. The stout Mr Clumsy brogues, hand-made in England. The Harris tweed jacket. The umbrella. Stop right there, before the deerstalker and actual pipe. Buy yourself a good pair of jeans and you might be able to reverse your way out of this sartorial dead end.
  • The High Street Martyr: You would buy all your clothes once a decade in the army surplus store. But your partner would leave you. So, whenever large holes appear in your ‘gear’, you drag yourself into M&S and Gap and buy more or less the first shirts and chinos you come across. Then your partner tries to ‘snazz you up’ with a bit of Superdry she found cheap in TK Maxx. You look like the Dad in a car advert. You could not give a crap.
  • The Tragic Hipster: Trousers rolled above statement socks, indoor woolly hat, mutton chops (optional), distressed French work shirt. Time to go for broke with a massive tattoo on your right calf. Maybe then the office cool kids will put you on their WhatsApp group….
  • The Still Raver: You last “put your head in a bass bin” in 2002. You have a senior role at a management consultancy. You own five suits. Quite nice suits at that. But still you feel the need to wear a hoodie with a skateboard logo and a pair of your many ‘rare’ (knackered) trainers. Maybe you’ll get the box of old white labels down from the loft this weekend, yeah, wicked!
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