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13 ways… to know if someone’s a good friend

  1. When they tell you your husband’s on Tinder – no one else would. 
  2. When you don’t answer your phone because you’re feeling sad and they text you and say “I know you’re not answering your phone because you’re feeling sad”.
  3. When they pick you up in their car so you don’t have to do the walk of shame.
  4. You can share a bed with them without it being awkward/weird.
  5. When you swap keys – even though you don’t live that near to each other.
  6. When you’re crying and they call you a ‘total ****’ just to make you laugh.
  7. When you ask them how they would react if you won a gold medal at the Olympics and they do an impression of someone convulsing like they were having a fit, but, they explain, it’s actually them sobbing with pride.
  8. They quite happily pee in front of you. And vice versa.
  9. They help you pack up/unpack when you move house – the most boring, stressful job that usually only family members find themselves roped into.
  10. They take your new baby for a walk so you can sleep for an hour, even when it’s screaming and being a monster. And then do the washing up and tidy the living room.
  11. When your husband/partner/anyone doesn’t ever seem to want to have sex with you and telling them makes you feel less ashamed.
  12. When things are bad they pop into your bedroom and make your bed. You don’t notice until later.
  13. They mind when you don’t turn up. But only because they like the world better with you in sight.
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