greta garbo, camille, hermit, loner, stay at home, dread going out

I’m more of a hermit than you

Me: I haven’t been out for ages.

You: I haven’t been out for longer than that.

Me: I get invited to all these things and I’m just like…no way.

You: I get invited to EVERYTHING. Just no to all of it.

Me: I get invited to things by people I don’t even know. Horrendous.

You: Why would anyone invite me to anything? Are they mentally ill?

Me: Getting invited makes me depressed.

You: And exhausted.

Me: When I get invited to something, I say no straight away.

You: I don’t even say no, I just delete the message.

Me: I block the person who sent it to me.

You: What sort of ‘friend’ invites you to things anyway?

Me: No friend of mine would EVER invite me to anything. They’d know better.

You: This is why I don’t go out. Because I have such good friends.

Me: I hate people who invite me to things.

You: I hate people.

Me: I don’t want much in this life. Just my sofa.

You: I just want my TV. Is that too much to ask?

Me: A hot bath.

You: And Deliveroo.

Me:  I have Instagram. I don’t need to go out.

You: Looking at other people’s parties is like going to a party anyway.

Me: Without having to put any make-up on.

You: Or clothes.

Me: Or standing up.

You: I hate standing up.

Me: OMG, I never stand up.

You: Sometimes I don’t speak to anyone for days.

Me: OMG, I never speak.

You: I hate speaking.

Me: The funny thing is, everyone is always like, “You’re out so much!”

You: Yes! “You’re so glamorous, you’re always at a party!

Me: But I don’t want to be at the party.

You: No one ever gets that.

Me: I don’t want to be at THIS party.

You: I’m leaving right now.

Me: I mentally left ten minutes ago.

You: I was never mentally here.

Me: Let’s Instagram a selfie first and then go.

You: Great, because I’m late for my next party.

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