paul newman, elizabeth taylor, cat on a hot tin roof, married couple, marriage

How’s your marriage?

How was your first date? Did you kiss? Has he texted? Oh my God, first mini-break? Aaaaagh – better get a Brazilian and stock the fridge with cranberry juice. How is the sex? How much? How many times? How experimental? No!!!!!!!! Really???????? And he doesn’t annoy you? Wow, he’s that supportive? That funny? Amazing…..

And so on and so forth…chat, chat chat. Every detail. What position? What restaurant? What shared values? What family politics? How’s it going? Do you think you’ll move in? Do you think you’ll get married? YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

And then. Silence. No one asks those questions. Those very friends with whom you shared eye-watering details just abandon you to your fate. Do they feel it would be impertinent to ask if you and your husband still have rude sex? Still have any sex? And, sex aside, no one wants to know if you are still talking, laughing, managing? The best you get is ‘What about a baby?’ which is a damn stupid question these days. Reductive and quite possibly extremely hurtful.

So, how’s your marriage? Are you okay? Are you feeling yourself within it and is there anything we can do to help? Come on Midults. Talk to each other. Even an ‘I sense all might not be brilliant so do talk to me if that would help and I’ll happily forget everything you tell me immediately,’ would be an excellent start. Because, married or single, life doesn’t move in a straight line. It’s not disloyal to talk and it’s not intrusive to ask. Talk is not always gossip. Talk is not always cheap. Sometimes it’s priceless.

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