You’ve just spent an hour giving a kick-ass presentation OR you’ve just been telling your friend all about the small but perfectly formed successes/crises that you are currently experiencing. You have just explained to your parents that it’s perfectly respectable that you are still renting like a French person and, bof, why are we so obsessed with ownership anyway? And then someone says, ‘But what’s next?’ Brrr.
You have boarded the plane and then suddenly there’s a crackle on the intercom
Due to that selfish arsehole in row 12, who just likes to saunter round the airport eating frozen yoghurt, you’ve missed your window and are now stuck on the tarmac for a *bit*. Which you know is at least an hour. But you could have been in the terminal eating all the yoghurt. Why are you now in the plane, not moving, jammed in, with no air or help? Holidays are stupid.
When a girlfriend asks you for relationship advice…
…and you know you don’t like him. And she knows you don’t like him. You would bet your life savings (if you had any, ha, ha, ha) on him being a wrong ‘un. And a boring wrong ‘un at that. But she is desperate and you have to say something. You should be honest. But she doesn’t want to hear anything honest. And you don’t want to be the one who has forgotten what it’s like to be out there. So you start drinking.
When someone asks you to be an executor
What? Why? You are not responsible. You are not a real, human adult. One of those adults, who understands spreadsheets and the like. You don’t even have your own will. Why don’t you have your own will? You’ve lost the will…
When you know you are going out-out
It seemed like a good idea at the time. When you said, “Yes please can’t wait” three months ago to a BIG NIGHT OUT. But you were younger and more innocent then. And you know you are staring down the barrel of a three-day hangover that you cannot afford. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, actually. It’s tonight. *shivers*
When you get a text saying ‘We need to talk’
Turn phone off. Probably forever.