It’s tough out there. We know it. No matter how robust you are. So every now and then you need to check in with some happy knowledge. Like I am so happy to know…
That I am never going to run a marathon
Watching all those sensational humans run 26 miles, it was a blissful realisation that it will never be me with the chafing and the dehydration and the running.
That I will never feel the pressure to wear a bikini again
If I ever wear one again it will be because I want to. Not because I am 25 and don’t want to feel like a granny on the beach. #choosechips
That I never have to read A Little Life again
I howled, totally traumatised through Hanya Yangihara’s epic and brilliant 800 pages of pain porn. It’s done and I never have to go through the agony again. This is how I felt after Moby Dick. And Ulysses (Narrator: She has not read Ulysses)
That I will probably never again be drunk, dumped and crying in the West End trying to get a cab at 1am on a rainy Friday
This had better bloody be true.
That I will never have to worry about invisible numbers in Pure Maths again
Except those in my bank account, and the pretend ones in my head.
That fake tan is amazing now
We can be permanently sunkissed these days, we don’t really smell of biscuits (at least not from the fake tan anyway).
That tiny things like moth spray can make me deeply, sincerely satisfied
I mean sure some significant jewellery or a Fendi bomber wouldn’t make me depressed. But moth spray, guys…
That I could get up right now and go and get a tattoo
That I am a feminist
No ifs, no buts, no qualifications, no ‘if I am feminist will I ever have sex again’ fears? I am on my own side. (But will I ever have sex again though?)
That I would still choose Harry
It’s so good to know that some things will NEVER change.