It’s cold outside (and FYI it’s getting colder all week #midultforecast), you’re weak with hunger (you had porridge for breakfast which expands your tummy in evil ways) and you’ve just made yourself the perfect toasted cheese sandwich. Just how you like it. The ratios are on point. The bread is just so. The crisp is positively pervy. The anticipation is the only thing that got you through the last 20 minutes. Then someone does something completely terrible. They take a bite. Yes, a bite. Of your cheese sandwich. Food felony.
One man definitely thought so. Worse. When his wife took a bite out of his cheese sandwich Daniel Blackwell from Maryland, USA, went ballistic. Literally. After sneaking a bite when she popped down to his gun basement (already a mistake), she headed back upstairs to crack on with dinner. Which she proceeded to do. Until he noticed the infraction and started firing rounds through the ceiling, just missing her. At which point she called the police and scarpered with their three teenage kids. There followed a three-hour standoff with the police after which he surrendered his sandwich (not really) to police and was taken to hospital.
Overreaction? Obviously. But… When you make a move on our food you’re crossing the line. We have a very emotional relationship with food and it goes back to early, early stuff. To the untrained eye it may look like a toasted cheese sandwich, but it once carried us over that pain mountain. It saw us through. It was either melted cheese or self-harm. We feel entirely entitled to be unreasonable about it. You’ve been warned.