leonardo dicaprio, catch me if you can, airport, airport archetype, pilot, air stewardesses

Do you give good airport?

The speedy boarder

You are the sort of person who has their day ruined by cab drivers who don’t know the rat runs and take unnecessary traffic light-laden routes home or by choosing what turns out to be the longer queue at the supermarket. You’ll hammer on lift buttons to speed them up, shout at other drivers for driving slowly over speed bumps and sometimes watch programmes on fast forward just so you can join in the conversation about them at work the next day. You just do not HAVE THE TIME FOR ANY OF THIS. Here is the secret though. Speedy boarding doesn’t make the plane take off sooner. Sorry.

The over-packer

Better pack that jacket and also THAT jacket because they are very different, even though they’re the same colour and similar (semi-identical, actually) fabrics. Three dresses is fine, but five would be better, in case you get out there and have a surprise dinner sprung on you. No such thing as too many bikinis, so they’ve all go to go in. Can’t trust hotel hairdryers. Better take your own huge one. Shoes! Many, many pairs needed! Got to have options! OK, can’t actually lift the case now…

The high-heeled traveller

Everything is better in heels. You are taller, sexier, more commanding. Running in heels for the gate doesn’t faze you in the slightest. On the contrary, it gives an otherwise stressful situation unexpected glamour. Some may call you impractical. You’ll just peer at them over the top of your sunglasses and stalk off to check out the duty free handbags.

The always-running-late traveller

But you set your alarm early, OK? How were you to know the cab would get held up (OK, maybe you didn’t remember to order it last night and then shouted at them this morning for not being able to get to your house in time). Then it was rush hour on the tube and all those stairs and arrgh, this effing case is so heavy and which bloody terminal is it???? Just going to get some breakfast – hang on, HOW far is the gate? They’re already boarding???? F*********ck.

The nervous traveller

Going to get to the airport three hours early, even though it doesn’t need to be more than 90 minutes. Would rather be bored in Pret than panicking in a traffic jam. Got my boarding pass on my phone and printed out, just in case. Going to sit by the information board and stare at my flight number until it says which gate to go to. And then I’ll just go there before it mentions boarding. No time for shops. Too distracting. Want to see the pilot’s face. And do some deep-breathing.

The obsessive duty-free shopper

No words to describe the length of the list of things you have to buy. Your sister’s moisturiser, your mother’s mascara, your best friend’s favourite scent, your favourite scent, back ups of that eye shadow you like (that you already have four of). Champagne for your hosts! Two bottles of that! It’ll make you look so generous, yet you’ll save money… Wait, is that all? Oh.

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