The refresher nap
This is the alpha of the nap family. The ulti-nap. It’s a 30-minute wonder that actually leaves you feeling refreshed rather than deranged/drunk. You don’t weave out of the bedroom and bump into the coffee table. It’s the nap that leaves your face looking pillowy-fresh rather than imprinted with pillow-lines. You think ‘I actually woke up like this’ as you shake your hair girlishly in the mirror. [This nap is a rarity. Never give up hope though]
The sofa nap
You’ve managed to find a use for your grocery box vegetables and cooked some kind of casserole thing that was almost delicious. Strangely you are watching something in real-time having temporarily exhausted all your box set options. You are on the sofa and in the blink of an eye it is 3am and there is dribble and you are cold.
The fear nap
‘Maybe a nap will help’ you say throbbing with anxiety about a meeting/finances/death. And you lie there, desperate, with panic coursing through your body, your eyes scrunched together, and clutching a novelty cushion tightly. Every single particle in your system is tense and alert trying to hold you together. You lie there for 43 terrible minutes and then get up and have a shower. This is no way relaxing/resetting or nutritious. But hey, you closed your eyes for 43 minutes.
The out-out nap
Yes you are “out-out” tonight. Which is categorically not the same as ‘out’. You are going to stay up past 10. Past midnight even. So you need to bank some hours, sacrifice a bit of daylight to those capricious sleep gods. [Obvs you know that that doesn’t work but who can risk the ire?]. ‘Clear my afternoon people I am having a power nap’ you say to no one in particular.
The one and where it would be rude not to because you are on holiday and you have to respect local culture, no? This may be reason enough to move to Spain.
The I’ve been hit by a brick nap
You are eating the soup/having the chat/doing the admin when you suddenly realise you have no option but to lie down. No option at all. You just have to lie down, on top of the bed with all your clothes (even your bra) on and your jewellery. The last thing you think before you pass out is ‘shit I’ve got my contacts in’ but you’ve been hit by the brick and that’s it.
The hangover nap
Oof the relief of slipping into cool sheets when you’ve got a raging hot hangover. Yes everything is spinning, yes you will feel worse not better when you wake up and will have to eat your bodyweight in pizza. But right now it’s just you and the cool sheets. And the shame spiral. Oh God.