Good: Hark, what is that pretty chirrup stirring my heart to joy on this glorious morn?
Bad: That bastard’s louder than my smoke alarm, how do I make it die?
Bad: Ed Sheeran is basically a busker. Someone make him go away.
Bad: Just because it’s got an unpronounceable name, doesn’t mean it’s good. And get that pineapple away from me.
Other people’s laughter
Having no plans
Bad: I have no friends. Everyone hates me. But not as much as I hate myself.
Good: Hurray, I’ve opened the curtains and it’s clear blue skies! I can wear something thin and floaty! I can feel the warm sun on my skin! I can even bust out a straw hat and carry a basket like Jane Birkin! Barbecues! Ice cream! Aperol Spritz!
Bad: This is the kind of conversation someone has with their seven-year-old after a positive parenting class. I’m not falling for it. It’s clearly just pity.
Other people’s dogs
Bad: It looks evil and dirty and if it comes near me, I’m calling the police.