OK, so, here you are, single AGAIN and you haven’t had sex for weeks, possibly months. It’s hard to admit but you’re desperate. It’s not just the actual sex though, is it? It’s that skin on skin you miss. The sheer, physical warmth of touching and being touched by other human flesh. Not meaning to sound too EL James about it, it’s losing yourself in someone else, although technically and with any luck, they’re going to be losing themselves in you. Obviously we’re all just a Tinder swipe away from a shag, but what happens if when you meet up with someone you just don’t fancy him? Aching sexual frustration on the one hand. Faint revulsion on the other. Weighing this up is tricky. It’s not like there is an embarrassment of men available at any given moment. It’s not university.
Of course if you really fancied him, you wouldn’t shag him, because he might think you were easy. Or desperate (which you are). And that would be terrible. But, seeing as he’s faintly yucky and you know you never want to see him again, what’s the harm in ordering another glass of wine and going for it? All boxes will be ticked, and even that teeny little tinge of self-loathing and shame afterwards – which you can deal with/ruthlessly set aside – will be nothing compared to the intense relief your whole body will feel. Not to mention knowing that at least somebody still fancies you enough to…. Just remember to tell him beforehand that your boyfriend/son/best friend/carer/neighbour/cat walker is due at 6am in the morning so he can’t spend the night. Even if the candidate is less than ideal, there can be something to be said for….rejoining the human race. For about 20 minutes.