womens difficulties, mens lies, melania trump, first lady

Donald says Melania’s on our side, so it must be true

Here’s a new phrase that we should use, harness, exploit and learn from. During his insanely ranty and deranged two-hour press conference yesterday, Donald Trump demanded he be asked a “nice question.” So someone wondered how Melania was getting on. He liked this question. He was pleased by this question. He was prepared to answer this question without accusing anybody of anything.

She is, apparently, working on “women’s difficulties.” Well gals, we’ve all had those. You know, pay difficulties, abortion difficulties, harassment difficulties, president difficulties.

Of course Trump is the least racist, least sexist man in the world, according to the globe’s only reliable news source: his mouth. Which is presumably why Melania, while beavering away at her women’s difficulties projects, looks so illuminated with purpose. And, well, excited.

Donald has described his wife as “the highest quality.” Like a cow. Or a telly. Or a coffee machine. Certainly a thing that you own. He also said, “I think Melania’s going to be outstanding. She, like others that she’s working with, feels very, very strongly about women’s difficulties, and she’s a very, very strong advocate.” An advocate… of women’s difficulties. Well, yes she is.

He goes on to proclaim that she’s “not doing this for money.” God forbid. Although she is allegedly suing a publication for suggesting she might have been a hooker on the grounds that it will compromise her earning power as First Lady. So clearly we’re all in it together. Next time someone asks you what’s wrong, or where you’re going or even what your name is, try replying ‘women’s difficulties.’ It should just mop up any doubt.

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