mad men, joan holloway, boardroom meeting, meeting, conversations with yourself

Conversations you have with yourself: In a meeting

Me: Please God let no one ask me anything.

Also me: If I reach for that croissant within the first five minutes of this meeting starting, will I look greedy?

Me: If anyone asks me anything, I’m going to set the fire alarm off.

Also me: Wait, is that a pain au chocolat?

Me: God, is the thing they’re talking about my responsibility?

Also me: FFS, will someone just take a croissant so I can?

Me: Who is Peter in accounts anyway???

Also me: I’ve had my soul hijacked by a French pastry.

Me: Why have my emails already gone up by 25? I’ve only been in here for twelve seconds.

Also me: No, don’t go for the chocolate one, go for the plain one, it looks more restrained.

Me: Why am I being copied on things I have nothing to do with??

Also me: Practically healthy to have the non-choc.

Me: Should never have opened these stupid emails. I hate my phone.

Also me: Who is the bastard who buys pain au chocolat anyway?

Me: If I ever lost my phone, I would probably cease to exist in any form.

Also me: Thinking about it, they don’t have that much chocolate in them anyway. Really stingy, actually. The French are unbelievable.

Me: Just going to quickly check Instagram as this bit is irrelevant to me. I LOVE MY PHONE.

Also me: If I eat it and then don’t have lunch, then it’s fine.

Me: Wait, when did she go to Mexico? How many holidays can one person have in a year?

Also me: Or a salad for lunch. Just no bread.

Me: Er, hello, that’s the dress I wanted from Matches.

Also me: OK, I could have a sandwich, as long as it’s, like, gluten-free seed spelt bread.

Me: How can she afford that dress? She’s a freelance FFS.

Also me: YES, bitches – someone has taken the croissant, I’M LEGIT GOING IN FOR THE CHOC.

Me: I wish I were a freelance. They just sit around all day looking at Facebook and taking naps.

Also me: OK, don’t just leave it on the plate. I can’t start eating mine until you start eating yours.

Me: Maybe starting my own business was a mistake.

Also me: Stop fingering it. I AM DYING HERE.

Me: I can’t believe all these people work for me. I still mime in the mirror to Salt ‘n’ Peppa songs and pretend I’m in a music video.

Also me: Whoever he is, he is fired. I am starving to death.

Me: This must be what it feels like to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel

Also me: And as I take a bite, I’m asked a question. Thank you, forces of evil.

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