hugh grant, andie macdowell, four weddings and a funeral, in conversation with yourself, first date, dating, relationships

Conversations you have with yourself: On a date

Me: He’s hot.

Also me: Is he though?

Me: He’s tall.

Also me: Shorter than my last two boyfriends.

Me: Good teeth.

Also me: Serial killer shoes. Probably chosen by his mother.

Me: Nice laugh.

Also me: Sounds like an evil Barbara Windsor.

Me: He thinks I’m funny.

Also me: He’s laughing at me.

Me: It’s nice that he has a dog.

Also me: The dog will watch us having sex and he won’t mind.

Me: He’s very complimentary.

Also me: He just wants to get laid.

Me: Can I order the steak? Will it make me look greedy?

Also me: OMG, don’t attempt a shag on a full stomach, you fool.

Me: I think I’ll just play it cool this time.

Also me: I want to marry him.

Me: He’s suitably outraged about the rescinding of DACA.

Also me: When is it OK to change the subject to Game of Thrones?

Me: He probably doesn’t have time to watch much TV.

Also me: BAD SIGN, VERY BAD SIGN.

Me: I’m glad I brought up the current situation in North Korea.

Also me: Do I have spinach in my teeth?

Me: He’s easy to talk to.

Also me: I haven’t waxed.

Me: I will stick to my feminist principles and pay half.

Also me: If he doesn’t offer to pay the whole thing, he’s an arsehole.

Me: He’s offering to drop me home. Result.

Also me: I left my knickers drying on the clothes rack in my bedroom!!

Me: Excited about all the sex that’s about to happen.

Also me: How do I get away with watching Strictly on Catch Up first?

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