Me: Good, I’m in the mood for this.
Also me: Did I leave the iron on?
Me: Raring to go. Let’s have it!
Also me: Because if I did, that’s a real waste of electricity.
Also me: And potentially extremely dangerous.
Me: More. MORE.
Also me: Errrr, can I smell burning?
Me: Weren’t expecting THAT, were you!
Also me: No, wait – did I even iron anything today?
Me: Yes, I am very good at this.
Also me: What day is it?
Me: Watch me place my leg over *there* like *that*
Also me: How did I manage to forget the dry cleaning?
Me: Bendy, bendy, bendy!
Also me: Now I’ve got nothing to wear to that party where my ex will be tomorrow.
Me: Going to stand up. Curveball.
Also me: And I forgot to pick up my anti-anxiety medication.
Also me: Which means I’ll turn up badly dressed AND insane.
Me: And… off the bed… on to the floor… hot.
Also me: OK, what the fucking fuck is that fucking mark on my carpet?
Me: Filthy carpet sex, YES!
Also me: If he has burnt a hole in my carpet, he is so dead.
Also me: How many times have I asked him not to smoke in the house?
Me: I am a goddess.
Also me: He does not listen to a single thing I say.
Me: He is very good at this!!!
Also me: Selfish arsehole.
Me: I always like it when he does that.
Also me: I hate it when he does that.
Me: Gosh, this is a bit experimental.
Also me: Well he can go and lock up in a minute as punishment for the carpet.
Me: LOVE THIS.
Also me: Could I get away with a micro sleep?
Me: Just going to let go.
Also me: I mean, where am I going to be in ten years time?
Me: LOVE HIM.
Also me: I wonder what my ten-years-from-now husband is like?
Also me: Hopefully he can get it up.
Me: I’m so lucky.
Also me: And has teeth and maybe a bit of hair.
Also me: WAAAAAAAA!!!
Me: That was amazing.
Also me: I hope he has a beard because I love beards.
Me: Need to pee.
Also me: Need to check Instagram.