titanic, kate winslet, leonardo dicaprio, sex scene, conversations have with yourself, monologue, mid-coital, during sex, mid-sex, wandering sex thoughts

Conversations you have with yourself during sex

Me: Good, I’m in the mood for this.

Also me: Did I leave the iron on?

Me: Raring to go. Let’s have it!

Also me: Because if I did, that’s a real waste of electricity.

Me: YES!

Also me: And potentially extremely dangerous.

Me: More. MORE.

Also me: Errrr, can I smell burning?

Me: Weren’t expecting THAT, were you!

Also me: No, wait – did I even iron anything today?

Me: Yes, I am very good at this.

Also me: What day is it?

Me: Watch me place my leg over *there* like *that*

Also me: How did I manage to forget the dry cleaning?

Me: Bendy, bendy, bendy!

Also me: Now I’ve got nothing to wear to that party where my ex will be tomorrow.

Me: Going to stand up. Curveball.

Also me: And I forgot to pick up my anti-anxiety medication.

Me: Woooo!

Also me: Which means I’ll turn up badly dressed AND insane.

Me: And… off the bed… on to the floor… hot.

Also me: OK, what the fucking fuck is that fucking mark on my carpet?

Me: Filthy carpet sex, YES!

Also me: If he has burnt a hole in my carpet, he is so dead.

Me: Sofaaaaa.

Also me: How many times have I asked him not to smoke in the house?

Me: I am a goddess.

Also me: He does not listen to a single thing I say.

Me: He is very good at this!!!

Also me: Selfish arsehole.

Me: I always like it when he does that.

Also me: I hate it when he does that.

Me: Gosh, this is a bit experimental.

Also me: Well he can go and lock up in a minute as punishment for the carpet.


Also me: Could I get away with a micro sleep?

Me: Just going to let go.

Also me: I mean, where am I going to be in ten years time?


Also me: I wonder what my ten-years-from-now husband is like?

Me: Forever.

Also me: Hopefully he can get it up.

Me: I’m so lucky.

Also me: And has teeth and maybe a bit of hair.


Also me: WAAAAAAAA!!!

Me: That was amazing.

Also me: I hope he has a beard because I love beards.

Me: Need to pee.

Also me: Need to check Instagram.

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